Drained
I met another couple of guys but it was the same old story: being gay sometimes means to be forced to live in the moment, to grab every possible source of affection and/or pleasure and then just forget about it...
Because after that one night, guys just disappear.
Can I keep on searching forever? Spending a lot of time chatting with guys, asking them the same old frigging questions, then meeting and forgetting of the whole thing after a while?
I'm moving in circles. And I'm only 22. I don't wanna even think of the future...
I'm drained. Always going through the initial (and somewhat exhaustive) stages of letting myself known by someone. Maybe I should focus on other aspects of my life, such as study, work, friends and so on...
Or perhaps I'd have to stop chatting - I should try to meet new guys in real life, possibly tweaking my gaydar... that's the real problem about real life...
But one thing is for sure: if all gay men were like the ones I usally chat with, I'd rather become chaste or asexual...
Anyhow, I think everyone who's been reading these pages has understood my standpoints and my personal way to live my homosexuality, and that is what I aimed for. It may suffice, it may not. I don't know. I'm still undecided.
Thanks to everyone who wrote me e-mail messages, I'm very appreciative... if you want, I'm still waiting for your feedback :)
Amd if you've got a website please, please, please link my site, I need to heighten my page ranking, Google does not list my website when I search for it, and if people don't find me through search engines my writing gets pointless.
There is one thing left to be said: it is a passage from a French website. It impressed me, so here it is. Somehow, I feel the same way, even if I don't think I never had any real, important relationship... so I am lot more disheartened...
" Je me suis toujours appliqué a' créer une relation "fraternelle" avant qu'elle ne soit "sexuelle"... certains ont suivi, d'autres moins ! Je ne me sens pas proche de la dite "communauté". Maintenant, je suis tres, tres méfiant avec les gays, parce qu ils ne veulent pas croire en un amour unique... leurs désirs dépassent leurs sentiments si tu vois ce que je veux dire...! Moi, j'y crois. Meme si le désert est parfois long a' traverser !"
I translate:
"I've always been trying to create a fraternal connection, rather than a sexual one: some of them have evolved, others stayed the same. I don't feel I belong to the gay scene. At present, I feel very, very discouraged about gay people because they don't want to believe in a unique love... their desires overcome their feelings, if you know what I mean. But I believe in it. Even if the desert sometimes takes so long to get crossed"
Well, that is that. Take care y'all.
Because after that one night, guys just disappear.
Can I keep on searching forever? Spending a lot of time chatting with guys, asking them the same old frigging questions, then meeting and forgetting of the whole thing after a while?
I'm moving in circles. And I'm only 22. I don't wanna even think of the future...
I'm drained. Always going through the initial (and somewhat exhaustive) stages of letting myself known by someone. Maybe I should focus on other aspects of my life, such as study, work, friends and so on...
Or perhaps I'd have to stop chatting - I should try to meet new guys in real life, possibly tweaking my gaydar... that's the real problem about real life...
But one thing is for sure: if all gay men were like the ones I usally chat with, I'd rather become chaste or asexual...
Anyhow, I think everyone who's been reading these pages has understood my standpoints and my personal way to live my homosexuality, and that is what I aimed for. It may suffice, it may not. I don't know. I'm still undecided.
Thanks to everyone who wrote me e-mail messages, I'm very appreciative... if you want, I'm still waiting for your feedback :)
Amd if you've got a website please, please, please link my site, I need to heighten my page ranking, Google does not list my website when I search for it, and if people don't find me through search engines my writing gets pointless.
There is one thing left to be said: it is a passage from a French website. It impressed me, so here it is. Somehow, I feel the same way, even if I don't think I never had any real, important relationship... so I am lot more disheartened...
" Je me suis toujours appliqué a' créer une relation "fraternelle" avant qu'elle ne soit "sexuelle"... certains ont suivi, d'autres moins ! Je ne me sens pas proche de la dite "communauté". Maintenant, je suis tres, tres méfiant avec les gays, parce qu ils ne veulent pas croire en un amour unique... leurs désirs dépassent leurs sentiments si tu vois ce que je veux dire...! Moi, j'y crois. Meme si le désert est parfois long a' traverser !"
I translate:
"I've always been trying to create a fraternal connection, rather than a sexual one: some of them have evolved, others stayed the same. I don't feel I belong to the gay scene. At present, I feel very, very discouraged about gay people because they don't want to believe in a unique love... their desires overcome their feelings, if you know what I mean. But I believe in it. Even if the desert sometimes takes so long to get crossed"
Well, that is that. Take care y'all.
