Where's My Heart Task Manager?

If you are an advanced Windows user, you already know that some programs set your computer to be run each time system is started, in order to be permanently executing. The same strategy, by the way, is adopted by informatic viruses to hamper their removal.
Of course you can edit the registry or elsewhere and disable this thing: the big deal is that a part of them is so tricky that when any user runs them, they check if there have been any modifications to their startup settings and, in such a case, undo them.
I think my heart works the same way: I've killed so many times my love process towards a certain person... he had set my heart for being booted each time I plugged my brain, so I couldn't stop thinking of him and loving him.
The snag is that, even today, whenever I stumble across him, he nullifies my editings and resets the default autorun action.
So, yet another time, I'm haunted by him.
And he's a fugging malware, it makes me suffer and hurt.
Who's gonna help terminate him? Where's my heart task manager? What do I have to format to get rid of my love to him?
I wish I could behave with my body as if it were a computer.

How Gay Old Are You?

Have you ever noticed the anxious way (nearly) every gay man is related with his own age?
We always dread we're getting too much old and we're gonna live alone or we wasted our time and the opportunities we had...
I can't forget the hopeless expression some mature gay men had when I saw them hooking up some younger lads who usually gave them a nausated look... I really could see the weight of loneliness and old age on their shoulders...
As to me, I got resigned, I now think that so few things can last a lifetime and love is the most uncommon among these ones.
The other day I read an impressive sentence about time going by and gay people: it said that a gay is as old as the number of experiences and love affairs he has gotten through.
Well, this can seem so trivial but stop and think about it: during our desperate quest for Mr Right we use to bump into so many people, we use to deceive ourselves so many times, we use to drift through so many ups and downs that some straight men could ask where we did found that willpower...
In my opinion, it's not a lie to state that, coming down this path, we keep on changing more than everyone else: the firt step is an idealistic and naif phase but it's just the beginning and most of our dreams are mercinessly crushed by life and the way it goes.
How about straight people? I guess many of them don't live this lack of steadiness, they closet into a so-called "happy marriage" and avoid this attritional route...