Guidelines for the Choice of the Perfect Boyfriend

I lost what I had found, so I elaborated my personal and optimist theory about boyfiends.
If he's way too young, he's probably immature.
If he's way too old, he's probably a pervert.
If he's way too hot, he's gonna cheat on you so many times.
If he's way too ugly, he's gonna break off 'cause he doesn't deserve you.
If he suddenly loves you, he'll change his mind all of a sudden.
If he takes his time to love you, probably he'll end up thinking you're not right for him.
If he's too unexperienced, he'll go through a crisis about his sexual identity.
If he's too experienced, he'll get you into a crisis about your sexual identity.
If he's too crazy, your relationship will end in a crazy way.
If he's just plain boring, your relationship will end in a boring way.
If he doesn't love you, your relationship will make no sense.
If he loves you too much, you'll feel suffocated.
If he's too stupid, he will just act foolish.
If he's too clever, he'll work out a clever way to get rid of you.
If he's too insensitive, he'll just ignore you.
If he's too sensitive, you'll make him suffer too much, so he'll break off.
If he's unfaithful, you'll not be able to bear the way he behaves.
If he's faithful, you'll ascertain he's impotent.
If he's a boy, his conduct will be boyish.
If he's a man, he'll be too antique for you.
So, simply look yourself in the mirror, speak about whatever you want and the other one will always be listening to your chitchat. When you'll get tired of blattering, just jerk off and have fun.