Rambling and Ranting
Yo, I'm back! :D
Just for a while, though. I really can't concentrate very much on this blog lately, and dunno whether to keep it alive and kicking, posting new entries, or leave it in a state of neglect.
Anyway, I have to thank everyone who dropped me a mail in my inbox: so, thanks Sparky for your appreciation about my blog and for adding that I'm a good writer, very wise for my age. This makes me proud, especially because English is just a language I learnt.
And thanks to Gerard from San Francisco for commenting what I said about mature gay men and gay aging. He wrote:
"Although it may seem a depressing prospect when you are in your early 20s, it actually can be quite a wonderful thing. I'm 46, and as various of my friends turn 40, I always tell them 'Welcome to the best decade of your life.'"
Well, that may really be the best decade of one's life, but what I really meant was that I'm scared by the insensitiveness of some blokes, a lot older than me, whom I've known.
Since this happened a considerable amount of times, I started thinking it could sometimes be a frequent process, due to illusions and solitude gathering over one's life.
I'm fully aware that one day (maybe) I'll be old myself, and I dread to become like that sort of persons I came across, who can simply be defined "walking penises" - I mean, looking at them, I was sure that every sparkle in their eyes had utterly died, everything resembling an emotion or an heartfelt sensation was not able to find any room inside their souls. Sex and quest for pleasure filled up every vacant nook, replacing in their chests their heartbeats with the vibrations of their horny nipples.
Does anyone doubt that a child has a very special glow in his glance or in his demeanor? Does anyone disbelieve that this glow is lost, as soon as he grows up?
So I'm the first one to be involved. If I compare the way I am today to the way I used to be just a few years ago (when, for the first time, I was up to start off exploring my sexuality and what love meant to me) of course I think I've taken in a lot, but a great part of myself has gone away as well, and it'll never come back.
I used to daydream more than now.
I could think, when someone smiled at me, he was for sure giving me a sign of his undoubtable friendship.
I thought love was eternal and sex without it made no sense.
Now I know that daydreaming can be a waste of time.
I'm aware that if someone is smiling at me, he could possibly be teasing me.
I understand that passion has a deadline. I realize despair sometimes is involved in relationships and affection can merely be a convenient label.
Am I more mature, now? I don't know, but I don't wanna be like this. Definitely.
But I guess life will go on, carrying the best part of me away. And even if I resist, I'm not gonna find many ones who preserved their purity, being older.
Can I love the same way I could just three years ago, being totally devoted to my partner? I hope so, but I'm not sure.
Shit, I wish so much to disprove my theories and of course I do believe there are exceptions and want to stress this speech is NOT generalized.
If there are any mature gay readers, I'd like to know how they thought their love life would get and if they've been disappointed or satisfied about the way things turned out to be.
That being said, I wanna just mention how my life is progressing: to make a long story short, my future seems to be undecided or devastating but I'm very glad to have some really good friends, and so elated at having met a wonderful guy, whose name is Marco.
Thanks for being there, I do adore you.
Just for a while, though. I really can't concentrate very much on this blog lately, and dunno whether to keep it alive and kicking, posting new entries, or leave it in a state of neglect.
Anyway, I have to thank everyone who dropped me a mail in my inbox: so, thanks Sparky for your appreciation about my blog and for adding that I'm a good writer, very wise for my age. This makes me proud, especially because English is just a language I learnt.
And thanks to Gerard from San Francisco for commenting what I said about mature gay men and gay aging. He wrote:
"Although it may seem a depressing prospect when you are in your early 20s, it actually can be quite a wonderful thing. I'm 46, and as various of my friends turn 40, I always tell them 'Welcome to the best decade of your life.'"
Well, that may really be the best decade of one's life, but what I really meant was that I'm scared by the insensitiveness of some blokes, a lot older than me, whom I've known.
Since this happened a considerable amount of times, I started thinking it could sometimes be a frequent process, due to illusions and solitude gathering over one's life.
I'm fully aware that one day (maybe) I'll be old myself, and I dread to become like that sort of persons I came across, who can simply be defined "walking penises" - I mean, looking at them, I was sure that every sparkle in their eyes had utterly died, everything resembling an emotion or an heartfelt sensation was not able to find any room inside their souls. Sex and quest for pleasure filled up every vacant nook, replacing in their chests their heartbeats with the vibrations of their horny nipples.
Does anyone doubt that a child has a very special glow in his glance or in his demeanor? Does anyone disbelieve that this glow is lost, as soon as he grows up?
So I'm the first one to be involved. If I compare the way I am today to the way I used to be just a few years ago (when, for the first time, I was up to start off exploring my sexuality and what love meant to me) of course I think I've taken in a lot, but a great part of myself has gone away as well, and it'll never come back.
I used to daydream more than now.
I could think, when someone smiled at me, he was for sure giving me a sign of his undoubtable friendship.
I thought love was eternal and sex without it made no sense.
Now I know that daydreaming can be a waste of time.
I'm aware that if someone is smiling at me, he could possibly be teasing me.
I understand that passion has a deadline. I realize despair sometimes is involved in relationships and affection can merely be a convenient label.
Am I more mature, now? I don't know, but I don't wanna be like this. Definitely.
But I guess life will go on, carrying the best part of me away. And even if I resist, I'm not gonna find many ones who preserved their purity, being older.
Can I love the same way I could just three years ago, being totally devoted to my partner? I hope so, but I'm not sure.
Shit, I wish so much to disprove my theories and of course I do believe there are exceptions and want to stress this speech is NOT generalized.
If there are any mature gay readers, I'd like to know how they thought their love life would get and if they've been disappointed or satisfied about the way things turned out to be.
That being said, I wanna just mention how my life is progressing: to make a long story short, my future seems to be undecided or devastating but I'm very glad to have some really good friends, and so elated at having met a wonderful guy, whose name is Marco.
Thanks for being there, I do adore you.
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